I'm never the same person when I go to sleep as when I wake up. The world keeps getting bigger every morning. I wish the world would stop being to big. What's wrong with a little world for a little me? But it's the little things that make life big.
And when people ask me, "Why are you so weird?," I never know what to say. But then I realize why would I be like THIS when I can be like THIS! When it comes down to it, I'm not weird, I'm gifted at living.
But some days I don't feel so good... somebody, please, give me a hug. Sometimes when I say "I'm ok," I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight, and say "I know you're not." I know I shouldn't be afraid of death, I should be afraid of an unlived life. And I want to live alone, because the greatest love is ruined by the bickering, the argument of living, so I want to live alone. I could be happy on my own. But I think I'm afraid of being happy.
I have no special talents, I'm just passionately curious. I'm not the girl that thinks a guy is the answer, I'm just tired of being alone. Sometimes I think my brain has too many things in it and I try to get rid of the stuff I don't need anymore. Some of it just won't budge though. One advantage of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
They say you know you're in love when your heart starts making more sense than your head. Why did I not see this before, the boy I adore was right in front of me. You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us. And in the end, I turned out liking you more than I originally planned. You've done it, and we who know you are not in the tiniest bit surprised. I have a tendency to fall in love with fictional characters, but not this time. More than anything, I want you to be thinking of me. You are my sunshine. And I'll tell you that if there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, and I'll stay there forever. If we ever do part, I'll remind myself not to worry about the world ending today because it's already tomorrow in Australia. If the world ends in 2012, I'll have spent my whole life in school for nothing.
I thank God every time I remember you, though sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me. When you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done, and yet, for a minute there, I lost myself. If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it.
I just want to sit in bed and snuggle and eat cereal and watch stupid movies with you all day long. Don't let the sweet face fool you, I'm a freak. Crazy I am. And you're crazy. I like crazy. So I just want to tell you I have my own stalkers, and, dear beautiful, don't ever forget how to be amazing. For that I say Merci Beaucoup.
They say don't judge a book by it's movie, so if Google didn't exist, we'd all be screwed, and life would be an epic fail. We keep waiting on the world to change, yet we know the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. I am the dream, and you are the dreamer, so hold your head high gorgeous. They will kill to see you fall. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you will join us and the world will live as one.
Sometimes it's hard to remember that you have been taught that there is something wrong with you, that you are imperfect, but there isn't and you're not. Yet we look for ourselves in everyone, and we feel like we are a fruit loop in a world of cherrios. We fear rejection, want attention, crave affection, and dream of perfection. But life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's learning to dance in the rain.
In the end, this... is a pen, and I use Avada Kedarva because Muggles can't prove it in court. And this is why I say eff Iraq, we need to catch Voldemort!
I thought today I'd write something clever here, then I thought, screw that. So Mario, you can thank me later for devoting my entire life to saving your girlfriend.
I am me. Love me.
July 24, 2010
July 19, 2010
My Duty is to Love. FOREVER.
Hey guys!!!
So I know I haven't posted in forever, but since my last post I have crawled through exams, packed for camp, and escaped life to Guelph Lake for 10 days. And naturally, I've kinda got over my last post since with escape from school meant escape from most drama.
My exams went alright, but feeling generally depressed through them, everything is kind of a fog. I remember not feeling confident in my physics exam in any way whatsoever, but feeling like I aced my math exam. I'm too lazy right now to go downstairs and get my final grade 11 report card, but I know I squeaked by in Physics with an 80% (I thought I would get a 60) and I managed to make honour roll with a completely unacceptable for me 87% average. I'm trying not to be hard on myself.
Then the next week was filled with planning and shopping and packing and preparing for Guiding Mosaic 2010. I got the journalism job I wanted, so I had to get in a day early. Which meant extra cramming, but after exams that's nothing new.
Camp started a little roughly with a general lack of organization and preparation. Which surprised me since it was a Girl Guide camp. Still, I rolled with the punches and layered on my unshakable patience. Being on the inside of the inner-workings of the camp this time though, it surprised me how many people had a serious lack of patience, respect, understanding, and flexibility. There were people who came to this ten day camp who had never camped before in their lives! And most of them came from outside the province or OUTSIDE THE COUNTRY! And then when the boat started sinking they immediately started to tear down the people who were holding them up and had tried valiantly to plan this camp for them. There were times I wanted to forget jumping into different programs (we didn't have schedules yet at this point) and just run around telling everyone they were doing a wonderful job or tell them to just hang in there. Relax. Have some patience people! You're in Guiding! You know things don't always work out as planned.
But through blistering heat and pouring rain, the weather at Guelph lake was all but natural. Thank you global warming. You think Mother Nature is just trying to piss us off now after that oil spill in the Gulf. The girls from Jamaica even said it was hot. It was crazy. I could drink twelve bottles of water one right after the other and I wouldn't have to run to the portapotties (or Pottaloos as our English friends say) until the evening!
But we got through the days and soon things started to level out and everyone had a wonderful time! I learned in I Can Drive THIS Without a Licence about road signs in other countries (and here too of course), car maintenance, and how to drive a go-kart. This session was taught by the leader from England, so it was really cool. She had to explain to one of the English girls in the session to drive on the wrong side of the road because that's how we drove here in Canada. XD
The other session I really enjoyed was Digital Music. We got bussed out to the University of Guelph and they stuck us on a bunch of Macs with synthesizers and an awesome digital music program. Emily and I worked together to make an epic mash up of different loops and electric piano we played ourselves. The song started with Emily's rock and blues style piece with a piano part she played on the synthesizer. It then transitioned to my Jazz piece with horns and a little cymbal and vinyl scratching. We decided to tack on some movie themes at the end as finish with a Sci-fi-esque echo piano. It was epic. The title? SHABAMZUM! XD
There was another trip I took to the U of G that ended up being all Leaders and only four Rangers on the trip. But it was worth it because guess where we all ran to before catching the bus back? TIMMIES!!! Oh yes, the leaders were in coffee withdrawal.
All in all I had an epic ten days... I mean 11 days (can't forget the extra day I came early!). Shout out to all the amazing sisters from around the world... Chantal from Jamaica, Hazel from England, Emily from Wales, Maddie from Barrie, Georgia from Nova Scotia, The ENITRE Communications team (hugs to Jordyn, Alana, and Emily), the ENTIRE special events team, and my crew of Newfies who taught me how to properly pronounce Newfoundland, as well as teaching me some of the Newfie lingo. <3 to you all.
Remember everyone that this is not the last time we'll meet. We'll all see each other again someday, somehow, someway. And until then remember this: You are all my sisters in Guiding. You are my family no matter how far we part, I can always feel you here in my heart, and I will miss you most of all. So On my honour, I will try, to make just one difference, and change just one life, for the better, for my duty is to love. Forever.
Until next time,
Amanda Out.
So I know I haven't posted in forever, but since my last post I have crawled through exams, packed for camp, and escaped life to Guelph Lake for 10 days. And naturally, I've kinda got over my last post since with escape from school meant escape from most drama.
My exams went alright, but feeling generally depressed through them, everything is kind of a fog. I remember not feeling confident in my physics exam in any way whatsoever, but feeling like I aced my math exam. I'm too lazy right now to go downstairs and get my final grade 11 report card, but I know I squeaked by in Physics with an 80% (I thought I would get a 60) and I managed to make honour roll with a completely unacceptable for me 87% average. I'm trying not to be hard on myself.
Then the next week was filled with planning and shopping and packing and preparing for Guiding Mosaic 2010. I got the journalism job I wanted, so I had to get in a day early. Which meant extra cramming, but after exams that's nothing new.
Camp started a little roughly with a general lack of organization and preparation. Which surprised me since it was a Girl Guide camp. Still, I rolled with the punches and layered on my unshakable patience. Being on the inside of the inner-workings of the camp this time though, it surprised me how many people had a serious lack of patience, respect, understanding, and flexibility. There were people who came to this ten day camp who had never camped before in their lives! And most of them came from outside the province or OUTSIDE THE COUNTRY! And then when the boat started sinking they immediately started to tear down the people who were holding them up and had tried valiantly to plan this camp for them. There were times I wanted to forget jumping into different programs (we didn't have schedules yet at this point) and just run around telling everyone they were doing a wonderful job or tell them to just hang in there. Relax. Have some patience people! You're in Guiding! You know things don't always work out as planned.
But through blistering heat and pouring rain, the weather at Guelph lake was all but natural. Thank you global warming. You think Mother Nature is just trying to piss us off now after that oil spill in the Gulf. The girls from Jamaica even said it was hot. It was crazy. I could drink twelve bottles of water one right after the other and I wouldn't have to run to the portapotties (or Pottaloos as our English friends say) until the evening!
But we got through the days and soon things started to level out and everyone had a wonderful time! I learned in I Can Drive THIS Without a Licence about road signs in other countries (and here too of course), car maintenance, and how to drive a go-kart. This session was taught by the leader from England, so it was really cool. She had to explain to one of the English girls in the session to drive on the wrong side of the road because that's how we drove here in Canada. XD
The other session I really enjoyed was Digital Music. We got bussed out to the University of Guelph and they stuck us on a bunch of Macs with synthesizers and an awesome digital music program. Emily and I worked together to make an epic mash up of different loops and electric piano we played ourselves. The song started with Emily's rock and blues style piece with a piano part she played on the synthesizer. It then transitioned to my Jazz piece with horns and a little cymbal and vinyl scratching. We decided to tack on some movie themes at the end as finish with a Sci-fi-esque echo piano. It was epic. The title? SHABAMZUM! XD
There was another trip I took to the U of G that ended up being all Leaders and only four Rangers on the trip. But it was worth it because guess where we all ran to before catching the bus back? TIMMIES!!! Oh yes, the leaders were in coffee withdrawal.
All in all I had an epic ten days... I mean 11 days (can't forget the extra day I came early!). Shout out to all the amazing sisters from around the world... Chantal from Jamaica, Hazel from England, Emily from Wales, Maddie from Barrie, Georgia from Nova Scotia, The ENITRE Communications team (hugs to Jordyn, Alana, and Emily), the ENTIRE special events team, and my crew of Newfies who taught me how to properly pronounce Newfoundland, as well as teaching me some of the Newfie lingo. <3 to you all.
Remember everyone that this is not the last time we'll meet. We'll all see each other again someday, somehow, someway. And until then remember this: You are all my sisters in Guiding. You are my family no matter how far we part, I can always feel you here in my heart, and I will miss you most of all. So On my honour, I will try, to make just one difference, and change just one life, for the better, for my duty is to love. Forever.
Until next time,
Amanda Out.
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