December 9, 2010

Artist Dates: Patiently Painting

I know the face, familiar stranger,
I’m not a child, I feel misunderstood,
I built a bridge; we use the tunnel now,
The rope we are pulling is slipping away from me,
All this wasted time is killing me,
And I’ve started to feel like…
I cannot control my life anymore,
Feel a need to leave and breathe on my own,
I remember all the broken songs of our lives.
Maybe one more wrong will make it alright…”
                                                                        ~ “Breathing” by Sonata Arctica
            For my artist date I chose to listen to music on my MP3 player and work on my paint-by-number of a wolf. During my hour spent, I reflected on different things and finished most of colour number five on my paint-by-number. Some of the songs I listened to were “Only the Good Die Young” by Billy Joel, “You’ll be in my Heart” from Tarzan, “Breathe” by Taylor Swift, and “Seasons in the Sun” by Terry Jacks. The song I felt impacted me the most was “Breathing” by Sonata Arctica, which inspired most of my reflections on how I was feeling in that moment.
            I chose to work on my paint-by-number because it was something I haven’t done in a while, and it was an appropriate creative outlet for my snow day off. It also helped me to just sit, relax and organize my thoughts, which is something else I haven’t done in a while. During my artist date, I reflected upon my school courses, being the main event in my life at the moment. I came to a realization about what was bothering me at the moment; that what I really wanted right now was to step back and study what I wanted, and not what I had to in order to get into school or fill up my courses. I found myself wishing that I would have more time to commit to English and Writer’s Craft instead of Philosophy which is simply flying over my head.
This was reflected in the lyrics by Sonata Arctica, which explains why it struck a chord with me. The song speaks of something familiar, yet foreign, that is invading the singer’s life. It tells of trying to understand what’s happening, but not understanding anymore, and wanted to break away from that. I found that’s also what I wanted out of school; that information was being flung at me that I recognized, but didn’t understand, but when I tried to, we were learning something else. I was losing my grip on the knowledge I had attained, it being challenged in Philosophy daily. And I don’t feel like I have a choice anymore to study what I want, to step away from school and take some time to just study Shakespeare and writing on my own, remembering all the knowledge that had got me this far. Yet I still keep going back and over committing myself to understanding something that isn’t my first interest.
After the date, I felt more solid in the realization of what I wanted, but nervous at the thought of committing myself less to Philosophy. I think I really need those Christmas holidays soon to refocus and catch up, though the three snow days were a welcome break for now.

Amanda Out.
Lyrics to “Breathing” by Sonata Arctica
I take my hat off,
Bow before the greatness,
You’re so much braver I give you credit for.
Somehow the grays create a harmony,
And no colour can add a flavour,
I’ve started to feel like…

I know the face, familiar stranger,
I’m not a child, I feel misunderstood.
I built a bridge; we use the tunnel now,
The rope we are pulling is slipping away from me,
All this wasted time is killing me,
And I’ve started to feel like…

[x2] I cannot control my life anymore,
Feel a need to leave and breathe on my own,
I remember all the broken songs of our lives,
Maybe one more wrong will make it alright,
I just really need to be alone now…

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