So today, after blowing up my physics teacher to shreds in my head like my teacher is made of ballistics gel, there's a bomb in him, and it's on Mythbusters, I started coming up with definitions to define all my classes. And thus, we have the theme of today's post, Amanda's Guide to High School Courses: What the course description should be. Sadly, that title is too long to fit in the little title window above where I'm writing this.
Anyway, let us begin. (just because it's classier)
Category 1: English (Mandatory)
English: a course in which you read novels from a really long time ago that effectively use the English language in a way no one uses anymore and that try to teach you morals, but you can't pick them up because the course effectively forces you to analyse the shit out of them until you're left with a broken and bleeding novel that has run off into the corner to slit its wrists because it no longer sees its purpose in life.
Media English: a course in which you watch a lot of movies, watch at a lot of Youtube videos, and watch/look at a lot of suggestive images in order to properly analyse the media without becoming influenced, which is achieved through assimilation and even-heavier-than-average exposure.
Writer's Craft: a course in which people who enjoy the creative side of writing (usually the people who do, in fact, have talent and shouldn't really be taking this course) practice writing in a variety of creative styles and submit their work to their one teacher who effectively circles all the things s/he doesn't like about the piece in bright red marker like it's an essay from a niner who only knows how to write like they're texting. At least the students learn resilience to harsh criticism.
Category 2: Science (somewhat mandatory)
General Sciences: a course in which the teacher attempts to cram as much of the three sciences as they can into one course in the hope that something will get through and be remembered by the time the student reaches the senior grade by giving endless projects and spending a lot of time on textbook questions and worksheets.
Biology: the most overtaken course in secondary education, in which one learns the internal and external structures of everything around them that is living. Which is just about everything.
Chemistry: a course in which one extends their knowledge of the Periodic Table, by occasionally accidentally mixing the wrong chemicals, lighting stuff on fire, freezing stuff in liquid nitrogen (if you have a cool teacher), highlighting the hell out of their periodic table until it looks like a unicorn licked it, and understanding how all this stuff applies to the little tiny bits that make up every last bit of everything.
Physics: a course in which one discovers that anything they have ever perceived about their physical universe is wrong, which makes you wonder what kind of people decided this was true, what kind of drugs were around when they decided this, and how stupid the general population of human beings actually is to believe them.
Category 3: The Social Sciences (questionably mandatory)
Geography: a course which recaps everything about maps and countries and rivers and such that you learned in elementary school just to make sure you got it all. And still some people can't name three countries beginning with the letter S.
Canadian History: a course in which you study the first and second World Wars, as well as the Cold War from the perspective of every country other than Canada, which doesn't become a country until the end of the course, but you still don't really study it much.
World History 1.0: a course in which you study the basic history of Mankind from evolution to the Medieval Times, by studying Ancient Civilizations of awesomeness.
World History 2.0: a course in which you study the next chunk of the history of Mankind through things such as the French Revolution, because the world is just that awesome that you can't explain it in one course. :)
American History: a course in which you study the history of our rebellious friends down south in much the same manner as World History.
Civics/Careers: a course that is so pointless it that you can actually fit the entire curriculum into 2 days.
Law: a course in which you learn the law of the Canadian government system so that you can eventually stab it in the back and become a lawyer, or learn to effectively lie that you're going to change it and become a politician.
Category 4: Phys-Ed (arguably mandatory)
Gym: a course in which you run around and play sports and get a bad mark if you're not good at them. Oh! And sleep through Health Class.
Goodlife: a course in which those of us who like to avoid running do weight training. And sleep through Health Class.
Exercise Science: a course that teaches you the science behind exercise and how the body reacts to it all. For those of us who'd rather avoid physical exercise all together.
Category 5: The Arts (should be mandatory)
Music: an awesome course in which you spend an hour and a half everyday jamming and learning how to play almost any instrument of your choice.
Visual Art: an awesome course in which you spend an hour and a half everyday creating and learning how to draw almost anything imaginable.
Media Arts: an awesome course in which you spend an hour and a half everyday surfing the web, learning how to use Photoshop and Flash, and learning how to make almost anything on the computer.
Dramatic Arts: an awesome course in which you spend an hour and a half everyday goofing off, learning how to act, and practicing almost anything dramatic.
Dance: an awesome course in which you spend an hour and a half everyday learning how to dance a little bit of everything.
Vocal Music: an awesome course in which you spend an hour and a half everyday learning how to sing, and singing anything you want to.
Photography: an awesome course which is almost equivalent to a spare that counts as a credit and you get to bring your camera to it.
Category 6: Tech (never mandatory)
Woodshop: If you're a girl, a course in which you get to build stuff in a class filled with rather man-ly guys. If you're a guy, a course where you get to build some cool stuff which your hands and hang out with the guys... and the occasional thinks-independently girl.
Communications: the course that thinks it's television.
Yearbook: the course that makes the yearbook. Or... attempts to.
Robotics: a course that teaches you to build a robot. That's about it.
Category 7: Mathematics
Math: the course that almost everyone hates and decides that it's going to teach English in binary code, rather than words. In case you didn't know, Physics adopted it's methods of proving things from this.
Category 8: Religion (for those of us who are special)
Religion: a course that tries to assimilate the Catholic Religion into your brain and teaches a lot of self-discovery, which you just blow off and joke around with your friends. Unless you have the Witch. And you know who I'm talking about.
Philosophy: a course that bends your mind to the end of the diving board and forces you to think oddly. If you can watch the Matrix and read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in the same day and understand both, I recommend this course.
FIN
And that's about it. Am I missing anything? I'll try and add it in if I am. This should be a very accurate document. :)
Oh... and the last thing... I think I'm getting too worked up over Max Ride 6: Fang, 'cause every time I look at the back and see "Mr. Tall, Dark, and Winged" in big letters, I can't help but smile. :)
That's all for today folks!
Read on, Write on ladies and gentlemen.
Sweet Dreams! May Nightmare spare you.
Amanda Out.
a little biased to the arts aren't we :P and sadly, those were very accurate of the courses. Must say the english one was my faviourite, poor books. And have you finished Fang yet? Dumbest thing ever! *ps, have fun with the physics assignment O.o
ReplyDeleteCookie
Oh child, you can totally tell what classes you like...
ReplyDeleteahaha. lmao.
ReplyDeleteThe arts are amazing. End of story.
and No, I STILL have not completed FANG.
That sounds so wrong in my brain every time I write that.